It began with an awkward encounter at a coworker’s BBQ. Then it escalated to a meet up at Starbucks where he ordered a chocolate chip cookie with milk and you naively assumed those were NOT two of his food groups. Now, despite countless quibbles and against all odds, it’s two and a half years later, and you lame little birds have found yourself in a full-fledged relationship. But there’s a problem. Scheduling is sucking the life from your once inseparable–if a bit maladjusted–selves and sleeping over is no longer an option, or so you gather from the disdainful looks of your respective roommates.
Sounds like you’re ready to move in together!
Sure, you’re a bit of a neat freak and he’s a bit of a…not a neat freak. You like to sleep where it’s warmer, and he’s been secretly building a Mr. Freeze suit to live inside of forever. Then there’s the unfounded fear that you’ll wake up one day to find that he’s been a figment of your imagination this whole time (because you certainly don’t deserve love). But face it! It was inevitable! Plus his lease is up and if you find another water bug in the decaying old brownstone you call a home, there’s no telling what’ll become of all that extra lighter fluid you found in the basement.
First stop? Craigslist of course! Renowned world-wide as the go-to for pretty much anything, it’s mostly where sex-starved members of the lonely elite post their explicit ads for one-night stands. So this sounds like the perfect place to find an apartment!
Once you’ve realized that Craigslist is full of schemers trying to convince you that Prospect Heights has somehow expanded into Coney Island, you move on to the New York Times Real-Estate section. There you’ll find a more realistic list of options, with accurate maps and reputable Realtors.
Peruse the site to your heart’s content until a loved one finds you huddled under your bed, sobbing into a dish pan. Apparently, you blacked out when you couldn’t afford a tiny Bushwick share with a migrant family of seven.
Ahh, Social Networking! Surely someone on Twitter, Facebook, Linkedin, or even GoodReads knows of a place. They’re probably moving to Istanbul for a life-changing new career and have a lovely co-op they can sublet for a decade.
No? Okay, then, it’s time to compromise! Maybe you won’t be able to snag that huge condo with washer/dryer overlooking the Trader Joe’s Wine Shop any time soon, but how about a shower-only bathroom that’s been converted into a one-bedroom studio? For only two grand a month with a 15% broker fee it’s a bona fide steal! Now sell everything you both own, buy a fold-out cot and welcome to your happy new life!